sad

[Vallikat]

Trinity passed away Sunday night. She lived for exactly 7 days and 7 nights. Funeral's on Tuesday. It'll be open casket. Angela's mom made a dress for her.

I'm not sure how to feel about that.

I can't tell you how to feel about it. It's just way too personal of a thing. I do believe that the open casket is good to do whenever possible. Some people find it morbid. But in my opinion it is better. It helps to bring closure. But honestly, I cannot imagine that tiny baby in that tiny casket. It breaks my heart to even think of such a thing.

*prays hard for patience, wisdom, courage, and strength for all those who love her*

[Tarryk]

It'll be my first time seeing her. A person who hadn't yet even developed a frontal lobe. Had nature taken it's "standard" route, she should have still been in the womb even right now.

Levels of morbidity flourish in the situation. I have emotion for what Angela's going through, but very little aside from a cloudy demeanor towards Trinity herself.

She was not old enough to even be aware of her own existence, much less aware of anything at all. She was a reaction-level organism that might have developed into a person, but the physical capacity she was given could not support such a developement. She lived and died without enough awareness to comprehend "I am". The only things she experienced in life was the sound of a heart beat, a heart monitor, a few undistinguishable voices, lots of light, and being taped to a table.

It's morbid, but it's not sad. She didn't know. She probably felt very little--if any--pain, but certainly didn't know what pain was even if she felt it. She knew comfort, but no longer experience comfort. She wasn't conscious, so she couldn't do much to assimilate any experiences she might have had.

Trinity was a flash in the pan, and it's doubtful that any semblance of a soul could form and fade that quickly. The emotional desire to have a funeral is one that I can understand on a general scale, if I don't think about it. But I can't help but to think about it, and when I do, a funeral seems morbidly unnecessary. No-one knew her. There is no joy here, and there is no-one to pity. She had no life to remember, so why a funeral?

It seems the only emotion that could form from such a gathering would not be one of pity or sadness for a departed loved one, but rather a somber cloud of guilt hanging over the heads of a room of relatives trying and failing to pry out some tears of sadness for a person whom never lived.

And a dress? Falsified dignity for an implausible action. Is it acceptable to create a fake truth from a false reality? Apparently so. This is going to be so traumatic for Angela that it will scar her deeply for the rest of her life, all because her devoutness to the catholic faith insists that she watch her half-born child get buried in a football-sized casket through a dramatized TV-worthy procession of passing for a soul who's time was up.

There is no love here. There is nothing but the weight of guilt and the fear of God pressing ignorant people to traumatize Angela as much as they can, because God wouldn't like them otherwise.

I'll attend the funeral to help her through it.

But in the end, this whole farce makes me sick.

[Tarryk]

Okay, so I'm able to grow angry at a faith for causing pain to a person whom I DO love and care about. All in all, I'm angry that Trinity had to come that close to living and not make it. Angela deserves a lot better, and she deserves to not be subjected to a funeral.

I'm worried sick about her. :/

[Maar]

The funeral is a closure, it's a ritual. Even if there was no time to know Trinity, the process of planning and following through with a funeral will help the healing. Sure it may seem morbid, and seem to be causing more pain and mental trauma, but the situation itself is beyond anything that can be grasped and comprehended. The pain and confusion Angela is going through right now has her in a state of shock. Years from now, going through the motions of a "normal" funeral will be about the only comforting memories left. The trip to the hospital, the waiting afterthe birth, the initial moment of knowing that Trinity is dead, all of these things are horrible and definitly not "normal". To just have the hospital "take care of" the problem, or to bury the child with out a word or any type of cerimony would leave nothing but abnormal and horrible memories of this last week.

I lost my daughter Anna, 8 years ago, in much the same situation. For 5 days nothing was right. From the time I got the first call, to the moment we stood in the cemetary everything was in kind of a daze. Looking back on it, yes it was a rather morbid day, noone really knew what to say, but somehow, the fact that noone said anything was ok. Looking back on it, I realized that day, that the funeral is not really for the person lost, it's for the people left behind. Tradition and ritual are firmly entrenched in our minds, and following tradition is therapeutic.


I don't really know how to end this, nor do I know if it's even my place to speak. Tarryk, I have a feeling of what you're going through. I'm sure there is more to the story than what you've said here. there's always more to every story. I'll say this though, try not to be upset with the concept of the funeral. Don't think that everyone there is faking or forcing emotions for the dead. Wether they know it or not, they are showing emotions to help Angela get better. Even though it will take years for this to really fade, the funeral will be one of the things that will stand out in memory. It is normal, it is real, and it is the beginning of the healing process.

[Vallikat]

Tarryk, in this case the funeral isn't to remember her life. It is for Angela and for Trinity's father and for anyone else who loves them and by extension that child.

Angela loved that baby. That is a pure and simple guarantee.

Her family also already loved that baby. You may not understand that, but it is also true.

You also cannot speak for Angela or how she feels. She shouldn't be subjected to this funeral. That is for sure. No one, EVER, should have to bury a child. No one, EVER, should have to mourn the loss of a child. However, she has lost a child and she is grieving and will continue to grieve this loss. I believe and I can only guess that she believes, that having this funeral is a healthy part of that process. It's horribly unfair that Trinity was taken so soon. Going through the ritual of a funeral will give them peace. Probably not right away. But in time, it will help and it will begin the healing process.

It is sad. It is terribly sad for them.

As to the dress, it's a few dollars worth of material (guessing here, but material for a dress that tiny is not costly) and the only gift that her grandmother could ever give her. It's the only dress her grandmother will ever make for her. Let's allow her at least that.

[Nexeus]

Everyone has their own ways of dealing and going through the pain and suffering of a loss, some poeple don't feel it until weeks later, some people need to go through the process and recognize the death through a ritual of a sort.

Regaless a loss is still a loss, and I do hope that Angela is able to understand, comprehend, and slowly gather herself from this loss and be will in the end of it all. Yes a flash in the pan is a flash in the pan, but when that flash in the pan was yours, that's another story.

[Jugsmalone]

Its not the catholic religion forceing this funeral it is angelas wish just honor that .. I personally hate funerals seldom atttend unless i must and will never have one when i die ... I have begun makeing my own funeral arangements because i want no funeral I want no viewing and i want no days of mounring for those i love... I am going to be cramated and imediately realeased to my son and daughter to be burried in with thier fater no service or ceremony... I have told them both this is wht i want my son agreed however my daughter refused and said she would not do this and unless i did it it would not be done ... So I am doing it ... I want them to ceelbrate to be happy and to Fly to vegas and drink and play and say MOM loved doing this I dont want them to stand weeeping over a body in a coffin that cost far too much and is as frightening to me as sealing me u in a plstic bag and watching me sufficate I am so clostriphobic that just the thought of a coffin scres me silly and as for religion it dosent play a part I am catholic and its not a must to do that ritual to be acepted into heaven or wherever we go i hope its Vegas smiles