Old Programmer jokes

[Prymalrage]

While jumping around getting information on javascripts, I came across a site with these listed. They got me laughing all over again, so I thought I would share.

The Programmers' Cheer:
Shift to the left, shift to the right!
Pop up, push down, byte, byte, byte!

How can you tell when a programmer has had sex?
When he’s washing the pepper spray out of his eyes.

Programming is like sex: One mistake and you have to support for a lifetime.

Why do programmers always get Christmas and Halloween mixed up?
Because DEC 25 = OCT 31

Old programmers never die; they just give up their resources

Failure is not an option. It comes bundled with your Microsoft product

PROGRAMMERS' DRINKING SONG

100 little bugs in the code,
100 bugs in the code,
fix one bug, compile it again,
101 little bugs in the code.

101 little bugs in the code.....
(Repeat until BUGS = 0)

NASA uses Windows? Oh great. If Apollo 13 went off course today the manual would just tell them to open the airlock, flush the astronauts out, and re-install new ones

[Lohazzen]

haha nice drinking song that nasa joke was awsome to >.<

[Khasi]

Sad... so sad but Oh so true. I think I will have to LOL myself to sleep now!

[Jezebelle]

Programming is the art form that fights back.

Any program, when running, is obsolete.

Every program has at least one bug.
Every program has at least one extraneous operation that can be optimized out.
Therefore, every program can be reduced to one wrong instruction.

Never trust anyone who counts to 1,023 on their fingers.

[Dasubervixen]

Why do programmers always get Christmas and Halloween mixed up?
Because DEC 25 = OCT 31

Never trust anyone who counts to 1,023 on their fingers.

I didn't get those two at all. So I asked our computer guy at work. He laughed and then explained them to me. Very good

[Lohazzen]

Why do programmers always get Christmas and Halloween mixed up?
Because DEC 25 = OCT 31

Never trust anyone who counts to 1,023 on their fingers.

I didn't get those two at all. So I asked our computer guy at work. He laughed and then explained them to me. Very good

lols i still don't get it don't got a computer guy at work cuz i don't work at the moment

[Dasubervixen]

lols i still don't get it don't got a computer guy at work cuz i don't work at the moment

Both have to do with numbering systems not based on ten digits. Binary (2 digits) and Octal (8 digits). Very clever.

Here's a number joke that I got right away.

1+3+3+7 = 14

and then there is this one that almost made my head explode

Q: Let’s say only you and dead people can read hex. If you teach your buddy how to read hex also, what do you all have in common?
A: You are all deaf.

[Lohazzen]

lols i still don't get it don't got a computer guy at work cuz i don't work at the moment

Both have to do with numbering systems not based on ten digits. Binary (2 digits) and Octal (8 digits). Very clever.

Here's a number joke that I got right away.

1+3+3+7 = 14

and then there is this one that almost made my head explode

Q: Let’s say only you and dead people can read hex. If you teach your buddy how to read hex also, what do you all have in common?
A: You are all deaf.

ahh now i get it

[Aakasha]

Can't forget the classic Id10T error lol!

[Gimpeline]

Another good old joke
There are 10 types of people in the world: Those who understand binary, and those who don't

[Dasubervixen]

A computer programmer is reading under a tree when another pulls up on a flashy new motorcycle. The first programmer asks, “Where’d you get that?”

The programmer on the bike replies, “While I was walking down the street, a beautiful girl pulled up on her motorcycle. She took off all her clothes and said, ‘You can have anything you want’.”

“Good choice!" says the first programmer. "Her clothes probably wouldn’t have fit you.”

[Sunserro]

Being a loyal Microsoft customer for the past 10 years, I feel I'm allowed to make this joke:
A planes navigation system is completely down and the plane is currently circling around a tall skyscraper. A man is standing at an open window and looking at all of this. In a desperate effort to save the plane, the pilot shouts to the man: "Where are we?". Ten minutes later the man shouts back: "You're in a plane".
Immediately the pilot changes course and manages to quickly find an airport to land in. Later being interviewed by the press about how he knew where he was, the pilot simply answered this:
"It was easy... a completely obvious and useless answer that took way too much time to come up with... it was obvious we were circling the Microsoft support center.

[Shigy]

rofl