[Humor] Comedy Corner

[Caliana]

[Shigy]

Half your luck

[Caliana]

*blinks* what?

[Shigy]

Having the ability to just grab boobs

[Shigy]

ORDER IN THE COURT

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said "Where am I, Cathy?"
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!

ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.

ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.

ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.

ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?

ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He's 20, much like your IQ.

ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitting me?

ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Getting laid.

ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.

ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.

ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, okay? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral...

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30pm
ATTORNEY: And Mr Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.

ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

[Caliana]

Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus possibly NSFW when you get to the end.

[Caliana]

Literally Adobe photo shop

[Caliana]

The creepy thing? They really do look like aliens. (or at least hybrids)




Think Kira will let Ash install some of these around the house?
http://tosh.comedycentral.com/blog/2013 ... d_facebook

[Caliana]

[Lia]

Linking the pic from PB, so I'm sure its blocked for a lot of you lurkers, but this was just too great not to share.

[Caliana]

Though upon further pondering, Weeping Angel would be stone, Medusa wouldn't be. I guess it all depends on whether or not WA is perma stoned.

[Caliana]

[Shigy]

[Caliana]

[Caliana]

I'm pretty sure someone shared this one already, but it still amuses me. I'm charging up my kitty.

[Lia]

http://www.buzzfeed.com/jenlewis/nicola ... princesses

This completed my life. I seriously need nothing else.

[Shigy]

That works so well as to be a bit creepy Iolanthe

[Cherri]

[Cherri]

Though upon further pondering, Weeping Angel would be stone, Medusa wouldn't be. I guess it all depends on whether or not WA is perma stoned.

Assuming the WA isn't now any more stone than it already was, I think the action starts whenever Medusa looks away. Btw... do Gorgons blink?

[Caliana]

Though upon further pondering, Weeping Angel would be stone, Medusa wouldn't be. I guess it all depends on whether or not WA is perma stoned.

Assuming the WA isn't now any more stone than it already was, I think the action starts whenever Medusa looks away. Btw... do Gorgons blink?

I think they can cheat. With all those little snake heads, the human head can blink, then the snake heads can take turns blinking. Not to mention they could provide 360 degree look around. Medusa has a serious advantage in the situation, even if WA is immune to being turned into stone. It would be an interesting fight