GridStream Productions

This was posted in AO forums, and was applicable to so many of the metal/rock-lovers of GSP that I had to cross-post it over here. Grind Metal is still my favorite for simplicity, but almost all of them make me LOL.

Metal Fairy Tale:
There is a beautiful princess trapped in a castleguarded by a dragon. Here is the end of the story with different kind of metalheads as knights.


* POWER METAL
The protagonist arrives riding a white unicorn, escapes from the dragon, saves the princess and makes love to her in an enchanted forest.


* THRASH METAL
The protagonist arrives, fights the dragon, saves the princess and ****s her.


* HEAVY METAL
The protagonist arrives on a harley, kills the dragon, drinks a few beers and ****s the princess.


* FOLK METAL
The protagonist arrives with some friends playing acordions, violins, flutes
and many more weird instruments, the dragon falls asleep (because of all the
dancing). They all leave........ without the princess.


* VIKING METAL
The protagonist arrives in a ship, kills the dragon with his mighty axe, skins the dragon and eats it, rapes the princess to death, steals her belongings and burns the castle before leaving.


* DEATH METAL
The protagonist arrives, kills the dragon, ****s the princess and kills her, then leaves.


* BLACK METAL
The protagonist arrives at midnight, kills the dragon and impales it in front of the castle. Then he sodomizes the princess, drinks her blood in a ritual before killing her. Then he impales the princess next to the dragon.


* GORE METAL
The protagonist arrives, kills the dragon and spreads his guts in front of the castle, ****s the princess and kills her.Then he ****s the dead body again, slashes her belly and eats her guts. Then he ****s the carcass for the third time, burns the corpse and ****s it for the last time.


* GRIND METAL
The protagonist arrives, screams something completely undecipherable for about 2 minutes and then leaves...


* DOOM METAL
The protagonist arrives, sees the size of the dragon and thinks he could never beat him, then he gets depressed and commits suicide. The dragon eats his body and the princess as dessert. That's the end of the sad story.


* GOTHIC METAL
The princess in a velvet costume starts singing soprano. The protagonist completes the duett by adding the beast part, while the dragon plays the flute. Suddenly he swallows up the pipe and accidently scorches the beauty and the beast and suffocates to death. All their souls are damned in hell's eternity.


* PROGRESSIVE METAL
The protagonist arrives with a guitar and plays a solo of 26 minutes. The dragon kills himself out of boredom. The protagonist arrives to the princess' bedroom, plays another solo with all the techniques and tunes he learned in the last year of the conservatory. The
princess escapes looking for the 'HEAVY METAL' protagonist.


* INDUSTRIAL METAL
The protagonist arrives wearing greasy overcoat, makes anobscene gestures towards dragon, and gets escorted out of fairy tale land by security guards.


* SPEED METAL
Suddenly there, short solo, dragon is confused, someones screaming weird stuff, princess realizes she's been deflowered, dragon and princess are still looking for the one who did this.


* CHRISTIAN METAL

The protagonist rides in on his way home from church and sings a mushy power
ballad to the dragon about how much Jesus loves him and that the dragon should turn to Him. The Dragon is immediately converted, and when the princess wants to "thank" the protagonist he replies, "sorry, but I don't believe in having sex before marriage."


* GLAM METAL
The protagonist arrives, the dragon laughs at the guy's appearance and lets him enter. He steals the princess' make up and tries to paint the castle in a beautiful pink colour.


* BATTLE METAL
The protagonist arrives with a legion of a hundred brave footman, war chariots and a dozen elite warriors and, as a master tactician, flanks the dragon in a bloody siege that lasts six hours. The princess gets bored.


* NU METAL
Protagonist arrives in pimpin' SUV and baggy pants. Dragon sees protagonist's nose ring and snickers. Protagonist whines about bad childhood where his beloved pet canary died and ever since he has been Broken, Numb, Dead Inside, Thoughtless and not Alive.
Dragon gets highly annoyed, and eats the protagonist. Princess thanks Dragon.


* EMO
The protagonist sees the dragon and moans about how hard it will be to get the princess to fall in love with him, He gets eaten. The princess is very happy, because he was a whiny freak anyway.


* GRUNGE
The protagonist doesn't get eaten by the dragon because he stinks too much from not washing his hair in months. The princess won't go near him either, and he ends up dying on the town hall steps with the other mosha's due to the over consumption of white cider.


* POP-PUNK
The dragon can't eat the protagonist because he can't catch him because he keeps bouncing up and down. The princess won't **** him either, because he likes ska.

* GRIND METAL
The protagonist arrives, screams something completely undecipherable for about 2 minutes and then leaves...

I spilled my iced tea all over my shirt when I read this! I love it!

* SPEED METAL
Suddenly there, short solo, dragon is confused, someones screaming weird stuff, princess realizes she's been deflowered, dragon and princess are still looking for the one who did this.

LMFAO! This got me laughing, I could just imagine the look on the dragon and the princess.

Nexeus wrote:

* SPEED METAL
Suddenly there, short solo, dragon is confused, someones screaming weird stuff, princess realizes she's been deflowered, dragon and princess are still looking for the one who did this.

LMFAO! This got me laughing, I could just imagine the look on the dragon and the princess.

LOL this is my fav one as well.

* TWISTED METAL
Protagonist arrives riding backwards on a dwarf. He killes the princess and rapes the dragon.

* TARRYK

Arrives at the castle worn out from work, destroys the dragons face, and chills on the couch while getting smashed drunk; the princess dances around and flirts with him. oh, and ....... SPINESHANK!

or something.

I wasn't going to, but since the list ended with "Pop-Punk"...

* HARDCORE PUNK
Protagonist arrives in a rusty backfiring Camaro with busted out windows, a "nazi punks fuck off!" bumper sticker and a giant anarchy symbol spray-painted on the hood. The dragon tries to eat the protagonist but gets bloodied from all the spikes and chokes on the safety pins, as the protagonist knocks the dragon unconscious by breaking a Pabst Blue Ribbon bottle over his head. Protagonist kicks the dragon's skull in with a combat boot and gives himself a new commemorative tattoo with a safety pin and Bic ink. Meanwhile, the princess has turned her gown into a DIY punkrock girl plaid mini-skirt and put her hair up into a wicked blue mohawk. The protagonist and the princess leave on foot since the Camaro is out of gas and go looking for a basement show with a killer mosh pit, mumbling something about how Emo and Pop-punk suck.

Another missing one ...

80's Hair Metal - protagonist arrives proceeds to do a power ballard with a 5 minute guitar solo followed up with a 4 minute drum solo topped with a second guitar solo of10 minutes. Dragon and princess fall asleep, protagonist steals hairspray and legs it.

LOL good ones. Okay okay, I'll add in:

* ELECTRONIC METAL
The protagonist is still in his bedroom trying to figure out how to plug a practice amp into a 1/8th PC mic-in port with only two mangled RCA cables and some nail clippers. The dragon eats the princess.

*RAVE TRANCE*

The protagonist arrives with his friends, dressed in strappy vinal pants and armed with glo-sticks. The dragon is fascinated by the spinning lights, and after slipping him and the princess some chems, they all kick back and enjoy the 'trip'. they set up a lab in the dungeon, and spend the rest of their existence watching pink bunnies dance on the causeway.


*HIPPIE ROCK*

The protagonist hitches a ride to the castle, pulls his hair back and grabs his acoutsit guitar before heading in. "hey babe," he says when he sees the princess, and begins playing a song and sings about peace and free love. The dragon sees the invader, and spouts a breath of flame.
"whoa! Far out!" says the long haired hippie, and pulls out a couple joints for him and the princess. "hey man, how about a light?" he asks. The dragon smirks, and with a flash of fire, barbecues both of them, the scent of patchoulli rising from the charred remains.


*MIDI ROCKER*

The protagonist arrives in his volvo, makes sure his shirt is tucked in and cleans his spectacles before grabbing his laptop and entering the castle. He plugs in his cellphone for a wireless connection, and searches for a layout of the castle. Using his new map, be is able to bypass the dragons lair, and come secretly to the princess's room.
"are you here to rescue me?" coos a soft voice in the darkness.
a spark of flame is seen, and a delicate hand lights an oil lamp on a stand. In the growing light, he sees the princess, extremely beautiful, in nothing but a silken robe. His glasses fog up when she motions for him to come to her bed. she slips the fabric of her gown over her shoulder, letting the sheer fabric fall, and the gown slips off, the firelight dancing off the silky smooth surface of her now bare body. At this, the protagonist faints, collapsing on the stone floor, hits his head and dies.


i must say, i think the hardcore punk is one of my favs that have been listed