What happens?...

Something has really been bothering me since I turned 26.. it has always dawned in my mind on wtf will happen. For some reason.. at 26.. I'm pondering this thought like it meant my life.. Before I would think of it... then move on and think nothing of it... now that I think about it.. what's going to happen? Where's my proof that I have a chance at another life?
Obviously my question is... What happens when we die..?
Is there an afterlife? or is it the fact that NOTHING happens, it's just a big pitch black of nothingness we see for a split second then nothing is left? Obviously if nothing is left we won't know the difference.. but it's the fact that I'm thinking right now.. I've spent 26 years on this earth.. without one answer.. and what if something happens to me tomorrow.. next week, next year.. what if I die..? Do we have proof that there is an after life? No we have a book that says there is... Have we had proof from the afterlife, Heaven, God, that there is an afterlife?... no... just so called "miracles" and "strange happenings".. that point to something after we die. I don't mean to sound so morbid but I couldn't think of a better crew I'd really want to discuss my dilmemma with.
Before.. I thought.. hey we die.. we move on.. either our souls are casted into someone new born and start a new life.. or.. 2nd.. we're judged and either cast into Heaven or Hell.
Now that I've turned another year older.. back in January.. I've started to think a lot deeper.. and the deeper I think.. the honest to God.. the more scary and terrifying it gets. I get to the point where I break out into sweat and wonder "wtf was I thinking?? wtf is going to happen???"
Here's my train of thought.. how it works.. I set and think.. Ok.. here we are.. Who created us?.. God?... ok.. if that's your biblical answer.. what was God looking at when no one was here? Was it just a white room with nothing in it?... then the clencher.. I think back farther and I freak out.. who the hell created God?!?! To every end.. there is a beginning.. and I freak out everytime I try to ponder this now..
I sometimes wonder.. was the bible something made up by some drunks that were bored one night and thought they'd elaborated and exagerate on things they saw and hope that people would continue to contribute and build up what they like to call a "religion" ?
I hate to think that.. maybe one day I will meet God.. and I will be judged on my faith.. but I'm terrified because at this point.. I almost have no faith.. I'm a lil aggrivated.. we're expected to have this "faith" that there is an afterlife.. there is a Heaven or Hell.. that we will one day meet again with our loved ones... WHERE'S THE PROOF? How can we base a faith on something we've never even seen? I mean if God were to stick his head out one day of the clouds and say.. "Hey.. I'm real... believe in me!" I'd be head over heels in faith.. but has something like that happened? No.. has anything in my life happened to prove to me there is a God? Maybe..but also maybe it was a coincidence..?
People often like to put the blame on "acts of God" when it's something miraculous.. I don't.. I tend to think it was a coincidence..
Example.. You hear.. "A man got in his car and headed towards an intersection.. he JUST missed another car... 10 seconds earlier and he would have been dead. God must have been watching over him.. "... Ok.. so what about the OTHER guy.. who DIDN'T wait the 10 seconds?.. Was God not watching over him? Even though hypethetically he was an avid church-goer but still got the short end of the stick? Where was God at that point.. Where was God at any bad time on Earth?
That's what makes me lose faith in such a quick instance that I worry about.. that IF there is an afterlife.. am I going to be punished because I didn't have enough FACTS to base my faith on?
I see people with defects.. can't walk.. can't talk straight.. can't hear.. can't see.. can't do any of those sometimes.. and it makes me SOOO FREAKING mad... I mean to the point of furious.. I wonder.. WTF did THEY do to deserve something like that?.. WTF was you so pissed off about that they deserved that?... Maybe God wasn't pissed off.. maybe this is showing the point that there ISN'T a God.. if so.. why would that God let something like that consume such an innocent individual? I see adults come into my store that are mentally handicapped.. I almost weep in tears for their pain.. I wonder.. wtf DID I do.. to deserve to be "normal".. wtf did THEY do... to deserve THAT?.. and WHY can't I ... OR SOMEONE AT ALL cure them? I mean if God were existant and were to give me the powers.. HELL YES... I WOULD CURE THE WORLD.... but it's the fact.. nothing happens.. people suffer.. but God never comes to the rescue?...
Don't get me wrong.. I'm for the better side of Good.. however it may be represented.. I'm just having trouble believing there is a God.. OR an afterlife.. given the facts of things that have happened in the history of man.. Innocent people have given their lives.. they have been murdered.. raped.. mugged.. killed... in the name of the so called "Devil".. Well.. God created everything so sayeth the bible?... so Why couldn't HE/SHE stop the evil that has consumed our earth....
Then I think back even FURTHER... relating to the bible saying.. that Adam and Eve were the first humans on earth.. I set and wonder.. What kind of God would PUNISH the whole world over 1... ONE PERSON'S mistake?... Sounds almost like a lame ass school system.. "ok.. one person threw a paper wad.. now you've all got saturday school...".. ... referring back... "ok.. well u ate the damn apple.. now you're all screwed!" That just doesn't seem like a fair God to me.
The point I'm getting to in my mindless preaching is there are SO many questions left unanswered.. that it KILLS me to even try to put my FAITH into something I have NO proof of but yet a little small book called "The Bible" Who's to say the whole damn thing wasn't made up?
I wonder.. When a pet dies.. a mammal dies.. a dog.. a cat.. HELL.. an INSECT dies.. we're told that everything has a soul.. is there insect heaven? Per say some people.. insects don't have enough brains to meet our comprehension.. so why should they even be thought about.. Man kills an insect.. no big deal.. man kills man.. it's on like donkey kong..
Woman aborts a baby.. it's hell for that girl.. a small mammall aborts a birth due to primal nature and it's unwillingness to survive.. oh it's ok then.. who draws this line between human and others?
I went to the zoo this past week.. I'm sure most of you heard.. I saw a gorilla.. it freaked me out.. how normal the gorilla acted as humans.. they ate.. they looked around.. and even seemed to set and ponder as if we do.. so do they have an afterlife? or are they just expendable creatures?
I know I'm rambling on and on.. I just wanted to get this off my chest and don't think I could go another day unless I did..
My fright is.. I'm scared there isn't an afterlife.. I'm scare this is it.. one life.. one chance.. that's it..
I'm almost frightened to the point that I'd be willing to set myself dead center in a haunted house.. or SOMETHING.. JUST TO SEE if I could get proof of a spriit world.. that WE DO MOVE ON.. after we die.. that there IS something else..
I'm scared shitless people.. I hope you see my point.. I set and think about this fact at least 3 times a day and almost break into tears that possibly.. there may not be a thing after I die.. that I may just see blackness and poof.. that's it.. like I said before.. obviously I wouldn't be around/concious to even care if that were the case.. its the fact that I'm living day by day thinking.. there isn't something waiting for me..
IF THERE IS?.. .... WHERE'S THE PROOF....? I set and wonder.. some people say "i'll say a prayer for them..." and if that person doesn't make it.. its the reason of "well.. it was just their time to go..".. if they "pray" and that person makes it its... "I'm thankful you all prayed hard enough to help him through this.." ... does that mean the people before him didn't pray hard enough and that's why that guy got the shaft? I set sometimes and think praying won't do shit.. if it's your time.. it's your time.. but something inside of me tells me to pray when something is wrong.. .like when my dad had a small heart attack?.. yeah I was setting there praying.. praying saying "if there IS a God, I ask that you help him through this so that he stays with me as long as possible..."
It's like.. I don't believe.. but when I'm in dire straits.. yeah I'll believe.. I feel terrible doing that.. thinking.. maybe one day I WILL meet God.... and God will punish me for only calling upon him/her when I needed him/her.. almost like a convenience... but the other .. majority half of me says.. it doesn't matter what I say.. what's gonna happen is GOING.. to happen.
Maybe you all can share your thoughts on my randon mumbles.. My music and family is my first priority in life.. but recently.. this has almost superceeded anything that is in my life...
share your thoughts.. call me crazy... someone.. say something.. I'm going insane... Maybe your thoughts will help out..
Obviously my question is... What happens when we die..?
Is there an afterlife? or is it the fact that NOTHING happens, it's just a big pitch black of nothingness we see for a split second then nothing is left? Obviously if nothing is left we won't know the difference.. but it's the fact that I'm thinking right now.. I've spent 26 years on this earth.. without one answer.. and what if something happens to me tomorrow.. next week, next year.. what if I die..? Do we have proof that there is an after life? No we have a book that says there is... Have we had proof from the afterlife, Heaven, God, that there is an afterlife?... no... just so called "miracles" and "strange happenings".. that point to something after we die. I don't mean to sound so morbid but I couldn't think of a better crew I'd really want to discuss my dilmemma with.
Before.. I thought.. hey we die.. we move on.. either our souls are casted into someone new born and start a new life.. or.. 2nd.. we're judged and either cast into Heaven or Hell.
Now that I've turned another year older.. back in January.. I've started to think a lot deeper.. and the deeper I think.. the honest to God.. the more scary and terrifying it gets. I get to the point where I break out into sweat and wonder "wtf was I thinking?? wtf is going to happen???"
Here's my train of thought.. how it works.. I set and think.. Ok.. here we are.. Who created us?.. God?... ok.. if that's your biblical answer.. what was God looking at when no one was here? Was it just a white room with nothing in it?... then the clencher.. I think back farther and I freak out.. who the hell created God?!?! To every end.. there is a beginning.. and I freak out everytime I try to ponder this now..
I sometimes wonder.. was the bible something made up by some drunks that were bored one night and thought they'd elaborated and exagerate on things they saw and hope that people would continue to contribute and build up what they like to call a "religion" ?
I hate to think that.. maybe one day I will meet God.. and I will be judged on my faith.. but I'm terrified because at this point.. I almost have no faith.. I'm a lil aggrivated.. we're expected to have this "faith" that there is an afterlife.. there is a Heaven or Hell.. that we will one day meet again with our loved ones... WHERE'S THE PROOF? How can we base a faith on something we've never even seen? I mean if God were to stick his head out one day of the clouds and say.. "Hey.. I'm real... believe in me!" I'd be head over heels in faith.. but has something like that happened? No.. has anything in my life happened to prove to me there is a God? Maybe..but also maybe it was a coincidence..?
People often like to put the blame on "acts of God" when it's something miraculous.. I don't.. I tend to think it was a coincidence..
Example.. You hear.. "A man got in his car and headed towards an intersection.. he JUST missed another car... 10 seconds earlier and he would have been dead. God must have been watching over him.. "... Ok.. so what about the OTHER guy.. who DIDN'T wait the 10 seconds?.. Was God not watching over him? Even though hypethetically he was an avid church-goer but still got the short end of the stick? Where was God at that point.. Where was God at any bad time on Earth?
That's what makes me lose faith in such a quick instance that I worry about.. that IF there is an afterlife.. am I going to be punished because I didn't have enough FACTS to base my faith on?
I see people with defects.. can't walk.. can't talk straight.. can't hear.. can't see.. can't do any of those sometimes.. and it makes me SOOO FREAKING mad... I mean to the point of furious.. I wonder.. WTF did THEY do to deserve something like that?.. WTF was you so pissed off about that they deserved that?... Maybe God wasn't pissed off.. maybe this is showing the point that there ISN'T a God.. if so.. why would that God let something like that consume such an innocent individual? I see adults come into my store that are mentally handicapped.. I almost weep in tears for their pain.. I wonder.. wtf DID I do.. to deserve to be "normal".. wtf did THEY do... to deserve THAT?.. and WHY can't I ... OR SOMEONE AT ALL cure them? I mean if God were existant and were to give me the powers.. HELL YES... I WOULD CURE THE WORLD.... but it's the fact.. nothing happens.. people suffer.. but God never comes to the rescue?...
Don't get me wrong.. I'm for the better side of Good.. however it may be represented.. I'm just having trouble believing there is a God.. OR an afterlife.. given the facts of things that have happened in the history of man.. Innocent people have given their lives.. they have been murdered.. raped.. mugged.. killed... in the name of the so called "Devil".. Well.. God created everything so sayeth the bible?... so Why couldn't HE/SHE stop the evil that has consumed our earth....
Then I think back even FURTHER... relating to the bible saying.. that Adam and Eve were the first humans on earth.. I set and wonder.. What kind of God would PUNISH the whole world over 1... ONE PERSON'S mistake?... Sounds almost like a lame ass school system.. "ok.. one person threw a paper wad.. now you've all got saturday school...".. ... referring back... "ok.. well u ate the damn apple.. now you're all screwed!" That just doesn't seem like a fair God to me.
The point I'm getting to in my mindless preaching is there are SO many questions left unanswered.. that it KILLS me to even try to put my FAITH into something I have NO proof of but yet a little small book called "The Bible" Who's to say the whole damn thing wasn't made up?
I wonder.. When a pet dies.. a mammal dies.. a dog.. a cat.. HELL.. an INSECT dies.. we're told that everything has a soul.. is there insect heaven? Per say some people.. insects don't have enough brains to meet our comprehension.. so why should they even be thought about.. Man kills an insect.. no big deal.. man kills man.. it's on like donkey kong..
Woman aborts a baby.. it's hell for that girl.. a small mammall aborts a birth due to primal nature and it's unwillingness to survive.. oh it's ok then.. who draws this line between human and others?
I went to the zoo this past week.. I'm sure most of you heard.. I saw a gorilla.. it freaked me out.. how normal the gorilla acted as humans.. they ate.. they looked around.. and even seemed to set and ponder as if we do.. so do they have an afterlife? or are they just expendable creatures?
I know I'm rambling on and on.. I just wanted to get this off my chest and don't think I could go another day unless I did..
My fright is.. I'm scared there isn't an afterlife.. I'm scare this is it.. one life.. one chance.. that's it..
I'm almost frightened to the point that I'd be willing to set myself dead center in a haunted house.. or SOMETHING.. JUST TO SEE if I could get proof of a spriit world.. that WE DO MOVE ON.. after we die.. that there IS something else..
I'm scared shitless people.. I hope you see my point.. I set and think about this fact at least 3 times a day and almost break into tears that possibly.. there may not be a thing after I die.. that I may just see blackness and poof.. that's it.. like I said before.. obviously I wouldn't be around/concious to even care if that were the case.. its the fact that I'm living day by day thinking.. there isn't something waiting for me..
IF THERE IS?.. .... WHERE'S THE PROOF....? I set and wonder.. some people say "i'll say a prayer for them..." and if that person doesn't make it.. its the reason of "well.. it was just their time to go..".. if they "pray" and that person makes it its... "I'm thankful you all prayed hard enough to help him through this.." ... does that mean the people before him didn't pray hard enough and that's why that guy got the shaft? I set sometimes and think praying won't do shit.. if it's your time.. it's your time.. but something inside of me tells me to pray when something is wrong.. .like when my dad had a small heart attack?.. yeah I was setting there praying.. praying saying "if there IS a God, I ask that you help him through this so that he stays with me as long as possible..."
It's like.. I don't believe.. but when I'm in dire straits.. yeah I'll believe.. I feel terrible doing that.. thinking.. maybe one day I WILL meet God.... and God will punish me for only calling upon him/her when I needed him/her.. almost like a convenience... but the other .. majority half of me says.. it doesn't matter what I say.. what's gonna happen is GOING.. to happen.
Maybe you all can share your thoughts on my randon mumbles.. My music and family is my first priority in life.. but recently.. this has almost superceeded anything that is in my life...
share your thoughts.. call me crazy... someone.. say something.. I'm going insane... Maybe your thoughts will help out..