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If I ever become a vampire....


1. I shall wear tweed, and cheerful bright clothing. Further, I shall only wear trenchcoats if it is raining or foggy.

2. I will not take my victims home. My neighbors are far too nosy.

3. I will be secure in my immortality. I do not have to share my story with any reporter or struggling writer.

4. I will not purchase an expensive foreign sports car or motorcycle. An economical, multi-terrain vehicle with 4-wheel drive will be just fine.

5. I will immediately become Agnostic, disarming any cross-wielding religious maniacs.

6. I shall not keep a coffin in the basement, because that's the first place people look.

7. I shall immediately purchase a Hooked on Phonics tape, in order to lose any Romanian accents I may have.

8. My ghouls shall have good posture.

9. I will purchase a digital watch with an alarm. I will set this alarm for TWO hours before sunrise, giving ample time for traffic and other inconveniences.

10. If I feel truly alone, and need a companion to share all of eternity with, I shall purchase a dog. Preferably one that is not larger than I am.

11. If the neighborhood kids are snooping around my house, I will not change into a giant wolf and attempt to destroy them. Instead, I shall call the police and have them arrested for trespassing.

12. If I believe far too many people are becoming suspicious, I shall not attempt to kill them all. I will simply move, and leave no forwarding address.

13. There is no logical reason for someone to mistake another human being for a fifteen-foot bat, not even in hysteria. Therefore, I shall refrain from such transformations in public.

14. Artists are over-emotional and unstable. I shall not keep company with them whatsoever.

15. I will not attend gatherings of my own kind. If I'm a lethal killing machine, doomed for all eternity to destroy those around me, they probably are too.

16. I ll hide the fact that i can see pretty good in the dark.

17. I ll not keep somme liters blood in the fridge.

18. I ll make sure that everyone i bite, ll be REALY dead.

I smell a new list mate... The Top 100 things I'd do if I ever became a Vampire!!!

To be continiued...




Tm

I noticed that several things on your list requires money, Mukke. As a vampire, where would you aquire these funds. Just curious

I would imagine that if the continuity of your existence requires you to extract blood directly from another person, getting a hold of a few wallets here and there isn't exactly the "tricky part".

19. i ll have not huge mirrors in my house that shows every visitor that they dont show me

20. i ll only go to dentists who r vampires them selfs

21. if i ever need to go to one who is not, i ll kill him after he fixed my problem


( now that i read/write these line i see what things have gone wrong in the past....)

oh Colt, you'd be surprised how many things are owned by vampires....and things pay off, they do indeed....*rubbing his hands together*


-Mukke

21. If I have lived for more than 1000 years, I would have made sure that I have enough money to pass on by, take account of inflation and have a couple of slushfunds that I close out every 50 somewhat years.

22. Instead of following unsuspecting people and sucking their blood, I'll suck the blood of someone I know, preferribly someone who isn't too cute or ugly. They would at least know I'm a vampire and not scream when I need to feed and no other male or other person will get into my way when sucking their blood.

23. I will also try my best to work at a blood bank for the needed reserves. Hey, when I run dry I might as well be in a place that's filled with blood.

If I were a vampire,
I would make Vampire movies glorifying their mythos to such extreems that anyone that viewed such things as truth would appear foolish and had little grasp of reality.

Thus creating a little security in an unsecure world.

Firia wrote:If I were a vampire,
I would make Vampire movies glorifying their mythos to such extreems that anyone that viewed such things as truth would appear foolish and had little grasp of reality.

Thus creating a little security in an unsecure world.

I've already done that...

Top 10 Things To Do When The Storyteller Introduces Caine Into The Chronicle


10. Make him feel better and say, "No no no your gift was much better than Abel's."

9. Tell him he has a great view on holiday shopping.

8. Ask him how his brother is.

7. Ask him if he wants to help you build a city.

6. Ask him to sire children for you to diab, so you can be second gen.

5. Tell him about the trouble you have had lately with your childer, complain about how they never listen and are always fighting.

4. Ask him if you can make out, and give him a really nasty hickey.

3. Ask him if you can dance with him.

2. Offer him a Mentos.

1. Buy a big foam hand with a #1 on it and run after him chanting "Caine's Number 1!!"



Other ideas for fun with Caine

If the rumors are true and God will do sevenfold what you do upon Caine, then give him a dollar. When God gives you $7, give Caine those $7, when God gives you $49, etc. etc...

Hmm... I'd give him a hot chick!
*snicker*


Tm

yeah......or maybe a beer.....or....oh...there's no ends to the possibilities!!!!*manic laughter*






-Mukke

Oh glorious curse!!!



Tm