GridStream Productions

I weighed whether to post some of this in the GSP private forums and maybe some on the GSP Dancers forums and, well…I just decided to put it all right out here in the open. I have a reputation for my TBoD’s (Text Blocks of Doom), so why stop now? I’ll just apologize in advance for the length of this post and lay it all out there. This isn’t an easy decision I’ve made and I have a lot I wish to say.

It’s hard for me to believe that this time has come, but it has. I've seen many friends come and go over my six plus years in GSP, both in the organization and in the AO community. I guess I knew in my heart that someday I'd either decide to step away or that GSP would come to a grinding halt. My bet would have been that I'd still be on-board when GSP decided to turn the lights out for good. I guess that's a bet I would have lost. This is one marathon run I'm not quite up for, as GSP will be moving forward without me.

After many months of struggling with enjoying my shows and feeling worn down from responsibilities I used to enjoy, I've decided that it's time for me to step away from GSP. I'll finish out my regular shows this year and plan on a final "Year In Review" show in early January, which will be my final show. It seems somehow appropriate to make my last show a bit of a marathon. Believe me when I say that I took a great deal of time before finally reaching this decision. I’ve been struggling with it for months now, and I know it’s the right decision for me and for GSP.

It’s difficult to put to words how much my time with GSP has meant to me. I'm deeply honored to have been a part of this amazing group of people. While I may be leaving the organization, I know the friendships I've gained will remain. I will always look back on my time in GridStream Productions as something incredibly special. I put a great deal of blood, sweat and tears (literally) into this experience, and I step away with some sadness but also with a lot of pride.

There are many people I should thank for making this such a badass experience, but I want to start with the one person who inspired me to apply years ago...Tarryk. Calling him and telling him of my decision was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. The first show I heard on GSP so many years ago was Tarryk's, and I was instantly hooked. I quickly made it a requirement to attend as many of his shows as possible, and I finally worked up the courage to apply as a DJ. We immediately developed a respect for each other that grew into a strong friendship. I will always consider Tarryk a brother, and I want to thank him for entrusting me with GSP for so many years. I never wanted to let him down, and I gave it my very best.

I also want to give a special thank you to Lauri. She was my touchstone so many times over the years when I needed to vent and in many ways, we were each other’s biggest fans. I want to thank you, Lauri, for listening when I needed it most and being such a dear friend. Having you at our wedding was very special, and I know our bond will be a lasting one. You'll be required to do another road trip soon so we can catch a metal show together.

I can't thank everyone individually, or this will be even longer than it's already going to be...but, I hope all the DJ's past and present in GSP know how much respect I have for you. You're all so incredibly talented, and every one of you has made and continues to make the AO community something special. I'll hear every one of your voices when I reminisce on my time with GSP and whether it’s Aakasha’s “DOOOOM!”, Chaimera’s “Hells yeah!” or Lyk’s threats involving my thighs - those voices will put a smile on my face. Thank you for putting up with my OCD leadership style for so long. I know I could be a bit overbearing. I have most of you on Facebook and I’ll still be around the forums, so don't consider this a goodbye at all. You all are still stuck with me.

There's no way I could step aside without giving a huge heartfelt thank you to the GSP Dancers. You all do so much for us and never get enough credit. Many of you made it a point to attend my shows even though you couldn't stand my devil music. You're a wonderful asset to GSP and the AO community, and I'm privileged to have made such a great group of friends. Vallikat and Jugsy...you two deserve some extra special thanks for your loyalty and love over the years. I truly believe either of you would walk through fire for GSP, and I hope you know the feeling will always be mutual from me. Much love and heartfelt respect to you both! (and we really miss you Jugsy!)

I certainly can't say my goodbyes without giving a huge thank you to the listeners. It's cliché to say it, but we'd honestly not be here without you. There have been so many regulars over the years that have made my Thursday nights a blast. I hope you'll continue to support GSP and all the DJ's the way you've supported me for so long.

And finally, I want to thank my wife. Kirasha is also stepping away with me, and I know this decision was just as hard for her to make. If there's one person in GSP who never got the credit she so richly deserved, it was Kira. She never got to experience the limelight or the gratitude of the listeners. She just worked her butt off for a group of people she cared for. When someone wasn’t able to handle Events or Marketing, she always stepped in to make sure things got taken care of without hesitation. The more I got burned out with the day-to-day work, the more she willingly took on to help out. Thank you, love.

GSP is going to see some changes going forward, but it will go on. This is just a changing of the guard. Tarryk and I discussed who would fill my position of Director and we both felt DJ Klinical was the best choice. While it may seem strange that one of our newest members be given this responsibility, Tarryk and I saw it as the natural choice. Doc is passionate about this organization, and I have the utmost confidence in him.

Okay, I think I've puked enough words up all over your screen. I hope you all will continue to support the DJ's and our new Director, and I hope to see you at my remaining shows!

- DJ Ashval

(and Veldron)

(and Batman!)

\m/ \m/

We've already discussed this.. so I don't have a lot to add.

Thank you for all you've done for this organisation, Ash and Kirasha. You will be greatly missed.

I love you both.

Ok, so this came as a complete surprise to me. I always likened you, Ash, to the Rock of Gibraltar, in terms of GSP. Always assumed you'd always be there.

I understand the love that one develops for GSP over time, I still tune into gsp whenever my computer is on, even though AO has lost its luster for me. I know this decision wasn't an easy one, for you or Kira. Klinical has some very very large shoes to fill, as does whomever takes over Marketing, or Events (or whatever department that Kira is spearheading right now).

You'll be missed on air, sorely missed. I wish you the best of luck, happiness, sporks, and snogs moving forward in the future. GSP and its listeners will miss you my friend.

Although I am sure that GSP will come out of this to move on to bigger and better things, it is a sad day nonetheless.

A great shock indeed, but not entirely unexpected, a decision taken, much respect given to a long standing, DJ and if I may say, friend.

I still remember the early days, and always knew that whenever life had thrown me a curveball, when things cleared up, I could come back and there you'd be, ripping off faces. To have that change now, feels like getting ready to have a kidney removed, you know that you'll go own, but it just wont be the same.

I may have walked away myself, turned my back on two orgs that I loved, let the drama fade away, but in my heart, there's always a GSP fan, yearning to tune in and chill out.

Ashval, Kira, may your future paths bring much joy, and from all of us, DJ, Dancer, Fanboi, Fangurl, even down to the random 'Joe on the streets of borealis', Thankyou. Thankyou for ALL the work you've done over the years, both seen and unseen, you have been a rock when we have needed it, and without you, well, I've already said it, things just will not be the same.

Goodluck, and come hell or high water, I'll be there for your tuning out show.

I'm shocked. Honestly shocked. I'm not sure where to begin with my response. I think right at this moment, I can't reasonably respond. I need to go cry, but I'll come back to this when I know what to say.


---


Ok, so I'm back. I ate, as I tend to do when feeling blue (I had stopped to pick up fried chicken on my way home from work. I guess I knew I would need the comfort food). I slugged down half a beer and should finish it by the time I'm done writing.

There was a moment this past DragonCon, I forget which night or even which room, but in that moment I caught something on your face and I wondered for half a second how much longer you would be doing this. I pushed that thought aside quickly and even felt guilty for thinking it. Now though I wonder if you weren't thinking about it even then.

I'm going to miss you so much. You are one of my favorite people in the world. How could you not be? After all, you gave me my muffin. I've told this story a number of times and I'm sure you know it now. However on this occasion I think I'll tell it again for those that don't. This story goes back to when you were Braedon. We were at a GSP show on the GDF. I can't even remember who the DJ was but most likely it was Tarryk. On my way to the show I stopped by to see Eddie to see if he had a rare social item to add to my collection. On a whim I selected the chocolate chip muffin. During that show you made a comment and for the life of me I can never recall the exact wording. However it was an emote to the effect that you had eaten my muffin, or tasted it, or licked it, or something along those lines. It was in that moment that I fell in love with the double entendre of the thing and thus, the muffin was born. I will be forever in your debt for that one moment alone.

As a DJ you have opened my ears to more music that I know for a fact I would never have listened to before. I always loved metal but I didn't know from doom until you introduced it to me. I really only listened at first out of loyalty to you and to GSP. After a time though I started to realize that I really liked what I was hearing. I'm still bad at knowing artists and songs even after all these years, but I know what I like and these days a lot of that is thanks to you. By that I mean not just what you played but also what I was subsequently opened up to as you brought more and more talented folks into GSP (and you're welcome for those that you got to know through me ).

I have nothing but the utmost of respect for you and for everything you've done for GSP over the years. As you know there was a time, a rough patch there, and I was scared out of my mind that GSP was tearing apart and I didn't know where to turn. You talked me down. You and Tarryk. I learned then that you were someone that I could trust and talk to honestly and openly. I've come to you many times since then and I always knew that I could trust you I hope that you will still be around somewhere that I can lean on you and tug on your ear if need be.

Kirasha, I don't mean to leave you out here. As they say behind every great man is a great woman and you truly are that. Only instead of being behind him you were always by his side. You have one of the most amazing partnerships I have ever witnessed and I have been truly blessed to have you both as my friends. I know you will always take good care of him as he will of you. <3

I'm going to miss you both so much and as cliche as it sounds I really do not have the words to express how much you will be missed and how much you have meant to me.

So I dunno, maybe this is a silly question or maybe this isn't the right time to ask, but since I started there I figured I would end by asking about it as well. Are you guys coming back to DragonCon next year? I never know if I'm even going to go until it gets much closer. I guess I still want to know though, just because I'm selfish like that.

Take good care!

*packs a basket of muffiny lovin'*

Valli


(PS Doc, remind me to talk to you about poaching DJ's from the Dancers. Seriously though, congratulations. I am confident that you will make an excellent director. We'll talk more in the weeks to come about the relationship between our orgs).

I wana cry lol. I just can't. You all may not know me that well but my case is the same. Tarryk's awesome manly voice is the 1st gsp voice I heard and all I can say it's a freaking inspiration the way he DJ's. Everyone has their way but to strive to become something like him is above and beyond awesome. I must say though Ashval, I'll miss it.

Good luck man, keep it virtual.

ValliKat wrote:Now though I wonder if you weren't thinking about it even then.

I was.

To answer your question regarding Dragon*Con, I highly doubt Kira and I will be there this year. We certainly aren't ruling it out entirely, and I could very well see us going again down the road...but, we recently tallied up just how much money we've spent on those trips over the past four years and now realize why we can't have nice things.

Thank you everyone for the kind words. I'd like to reitirate that I'm not truly going anywhere. I'll still very much be around.

And, yes Valli...you can tug on my ear anytime. *hugs*

good luck on rk4 Ash
you will be missed but thnx for all the music and fun

Let me start by saying, if it hadn't been for your show, I probably wouldn't still be playing AO. It was some 2 years ago when I started and although I really liked the setting of the game, I missed something back then, as a total n00bie.
I found it one late night when I - by pure accident - ran into one of your shows. Then I realized something: AO is Metal!
GSP was the reason I stayed with AO back then and I never regretted it.

I will really miss your show, not only because the times I had to endlessly search on Youtube to find new kick-ass metal bands had finally come to an end.
(Thanks for introducing me to Dark Tranquillity, especially! )

I don't want to write another text wall here, so I'll make it short:

Thank you, Ashval, for all your work as DJ and Director of GSP!
And thank you, Kirasha, for your work behind the scenes!

I wish you two the best of luck for the future!

I'll come to an end by quoting:

In grief thou shalt not wander
With hopefilled heart now walk

(Dark Tranquillity - Skywards)

I'm speechless. You and Kirasha will be missed greatly. I wouldn't have know about GSP if it had not been for you. I still remember my first show - was a Christmas holiday show almost 4 years ago. Sometimes you have to do what is best for you though.

Well like everyone else I'm quite shocked to hear this.. We all love you 2 and will miss you being on air. Everyone knows that you are 100% pure awesomesauce as TK would say hehe, but I wish you well in all future endeavors and I wish you a happy life.

It's very difficult for me right now to find the right words, even though I knew Ash was posting today (I've been sitting here trying to compose this post for the last 20 mins). I think, for now, that I'll reiterate what Ashval said: this is one of the hardest decisions we've had to make, and with it comes a significant amount of guilt. At the very least, I am thankful that this isn't truly goodbye. I truly cherish all of the friendships we've made here, and that is something I never want to let go.

More later.

not unexpected though, you and your wife introduce me to new songs ,sub genres of metal and industrial music. given credits when i won it and need it and made me smile pecularly your wife with her pew pews and cat sounds and giresque dooms and ashval you given me music to kill and grind by. im the one that ask you to play wumpscuts ceremony.but thank you for your time as the dj and director you will be sorely missed

i raise my drinking horn you say

may the wind is at your back, your sword be shape and guns fully loaded,may you be quick witted, your wrench lovely "which is she" and may you die well.

a made up technobarbarian blessing by me as a sendoff

Not to hijack the thread, but keeperangel, I think you're confusing Kirasha, with Aakasha. We've only ever heard Kira on air live once (that I can recall) at Dragon*Con one year, and then in a couple of promos. She doesn't go doom. hehe

Ash and Kira, you will be missed.

I have certainly enjoyed your show Ash, and even got you to play some emo for me once And I can't forget Kira, who has always been by your side every show I can remember.

Best of luck to you two!

*hugs*

eof

Well I knew u first as Veldron(aka Batman/Deacon of Doom) a sad day but I realize all good things must come to an end.I will miss the hockey banter between us at your shows but c'est le vie.Anytime I hear metal or big hair 80s rock I will always think of the Dynamic Duo, Ash and Kira.

Be well you two, and persevere in whatever RK4 throws at you as you did with GSP.

*big dumbass trox goes off to wipe a tear and eat a purple crayon*

<3 Lutz

I was hoping you'd post this earlier today, because I spent this evening celebrating keeping my (RK4) job with a night at the bar, and I'm unlikely to make any sense, so im going to keep this real short for now.

aSH, Kirasha, it was a sincere pleasure to have met you both, you're awesome. and thanks for everything you've done for GSP over the years. heck, you've stuck this out longer than I managed to stay married.

Later dudes.

Sorry Doc, it was my sincere intention to try to post this earlier today but I got utterly slammed at work.

You made perfect sense and congrats on keeping that job!

I never thought I'd see the day. You have both done a great job over the years. Both the things that the listeners notice and the things that are not noticed by the listeners because of your hard work. I'll miss having you on the steam.

And h00t h00t for Klinical.