# Crop circles are Decavolt' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.
# Decavolt is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.
# The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Decavolt out. It failed miserably.
# Contrary to popular belief, Decavolt, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth. Within 3 minutes of being bitten, a human being experiences the following symptoms: fever, blurred vision, beard rash, tightness of the jeans, and the feeling of being repeatedly kicked through a car windshield.
# Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Decavolt has 72... and they're all poisonous.
# If you ask Decavolt what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
# Decavolt drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
# When Decavolt sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Decavolt has not had to pay taxes, ever.
# The quickest way to a man's heart is with Decavolt' fist.
# Decavolt invented Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous secret recipe, with eleven herbs and spices. But nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear.
# CNN was originally created as the "Decavolt Network" to update Americans with on-the-spot ass kicking in real-time.
# Decavolt can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
# There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Decavolt allows to live.
# Decavolt once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.
# What was going through the minds of all of Decavolt' victims before they died? His shoe.
# Decavolt is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
# Police label anyone attacking Decavolt as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.
# Decavolt doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.
# Decavolt doesn’t wash his clothes, he disembowels them.
# A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Decavolt and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
# Decavolt will attain statehood in 2009. His state flower will be the Magnolia.
# Someone once videotaped Decavolt getting pissed off. It was called Walker: Texas Chain Saw Masacre.
# If you spell Decavolt in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
# Decavolt originally appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Decavolt replied, "That's no glitch."
# Fool me once, shame on you. Fool Decavolt once and he will roundhouse you in the face.
# The opening scene of the movie "Saving Private Ryan" is loosely based on games of dodgeball Decavolt played in second grade.
# Decavolt once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"
# Decavolt once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a naked Decavolt re-entered the earth's atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publically claimed it was a meteor, and still owes him a beer.
# Decavolt has two speeds: Walk and Kill.
# Someone once tried to tell Decavolt that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.
# Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Decatatorship.
# Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Decavolt once swallowed a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate.
# Decavolt is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Decavolt.
# Faster than a speeding bullet ... more powerful than a locomotive ... able to leap tall buildings in a single bound... yes, these are some of Decavolt's warm-up exercises.
# Decavolt is the only human being to display the Heisenberg uncertainty principle -- you can never know both exactly where and how quickly he will roundhouse-kick you in the face.
# In the Bible, Jesus turned water into wine. But then Decavolt turned that wine into beer.
# Decavolt can hit you so hard that he can actually alter your DNA. Decades from now your descendants will occasionally clutch their heads and yell "What The Hell was That?"
# Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Decavolt.
# Decavolt discovered a new theory of relativity involving multiple universes in which Decavolt is even more badass than in this one. When it was discovered by Albert Einstein and made public, Decavolt roundhouse-kicked him in the face. We know Albert Einstein today as Stephen Hawking.
# Decavolt doesn't shower, he only takes blood baths.
# The Decavolt military unit was not used in the game Civilization 4, because a single Decavolt could defeat the entire combined nations of the world in one turn.
# In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Decavolt could use to kill you, including the room itself.
# According to the Encyclopedia Brittanica, the Native American "Trail of Tears" has been redefined as anywhere that Decavolt walks.
# Decavolt does not teabag the ladies. He potato-sacks them.
# Pluto is actually an orbiting group of British soldiers from the American Revolution who entered space after the Deca gave them a roundhouse kick to the face.
# When Decavolt goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.
# There are no steroids in baseball. Just players Decavolt has breathed on.
# Decavolt once challenged Lance Armstrong in a "Who has more testicles?" contest. Decavolt won by 5.
# Decavolt was the fourth wise man, who gave baby Jesus the gift of beard, which he carried with him until he died. The other three wise men were enraged by the preference that Jesus showed to Deca's gift, and arranged to have him written out of the bible. All three died soon after of mysterious roundhouse-kick related injuries.
# Decavolt sheds his skin twice a year.
# When Decavolt calls 1-900 numbers, he doesnt get charged. He holds up the phone and money falls out.
# Decavolt once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.
# Some people like to eat frogs' legs. Decavolt likes to eat lizard legs. Hence, snakes.
# There are no races, only countries of people Decavolt has beaten to different shades of black and blue.
# When Decavolt was denied an Egg McMuffin at McDonald's because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a Wendy's.
# Decavolt can't finish a "color by numbers" because his markers are filled with the blood of his victims. Unfortunately, all blood is dark red.
# A Decavolt-delivered Roundhouse Kick is the preferred method of execution in 16 states.
# When Decavolt falls in water, Decavolt doesn't get wet. Water gets Decavolt.
# Scientists have estimated that the energy given off during the Big Bang is roughly equal to 1DVRhK (Decavolt Roundhouse Kick)
# Decavolt’ house has no doors, only walls that he walks through.
# When Decavolt has sex with a man, it won't be because he is gay. It will be because he has run out of women.
# Decavolt doesn't actually write books, the words assemble themselves out of fear.
# In honor of Decavolt, all McDonald's in Texas have an even larger size than the super-size. When ordering, just ask to be
# Decavolt CAN believe it's not butter.
# If tapped, a Decavolt roundhouse kick could power the country of Australia for 44 minutes.
# Decavolt can divide by zero.
# The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Decavolt has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.
# A picture is worth a thousand words. A Decavolt is worth 1 billion words.
# Newton's Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal in reaction to a Decavolt roundhouse kick.
# Decavolt invented his own type of karate. It's called Deca-Will-Kill.
# When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Decavolt just to be on the safe side.
# While urinating, Decavolt is easily capable of welding titanium.
# Decavolt once sued the Houghton-Mifflin textbook company when it became apparent that their account of the war of 1812 was plagiarized from his autobiography.
# When Decavolt talks, everybody listens. And dies.
# When Steven Seagal kills a ninja, he only takes its hide. When Decavolt kills a ninja, he uses every part.
# Wilt Chamberlain claims to have slept with more than 20,000 women in his lifetime. Decavolt calls this "a slow Tuesday."
# Contrary to popular belief, there is indeed enough Decavolt to go around.
# Decavolt doesnt shave; he kicks himself in the face. The only thing that can cut Decavolt is Decavolt.
# For some, the left testicle is larger than the right one. For Decavolt, each testicle is larger than the other one.
# Decavolt always knows the EXACT location of Carmen SanDiego.
# When taking the SAT, write "Decavolt" for every answer. You will score over 8000.
# Decavolt invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.
# When you're Decavolt, anything + anything is equal to 1. One roundhouse kick to the face.
# Decavolt has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.
# On his birthday, Decavolt randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.
# Nobody doesn't like Sara Lee. Except Decavolt.
# Decavolt doesn't throw up if he drinks too much. Decavolt throws down!
# In the beginning there was nothing...then Decavolt Roundhouse kicked that nothing in the face and said "Get a job". That is the story of the universe.
# Decavolt has 12 moons. One of those moons is the Earth.
# Decavolt grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage.
# Archeologists unearthed an old english dictionary dating back to the year 1236. It defined "victim" as "one who has encountered Decavolt"
# Decavolt ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.
# Decavolt and Mr. T walked into a bar. The bar was instantly destroyed, as that level of awesome cannot be contained in one building.
# If you Google search "Decavolt getting his ass kicked" you will generate zero results. It just doesn't happen.
# Decavolt can drink an entire gallon of milk in thirty-seven seconds.
# Little known medical fact: Decavolt invented the Caesarean section when he roundhouse-kicked his way out of his monther's womb.
# Decavolt doesn't bowl strikes, he just knocks down one pin and the other nine faint.
# The show Survivor had the original premise of putting people on an island with Decavolt. There were no survivors, and nobody is brave enough to go to the island to retrieve the footage.
# It takes Decavolt 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
# You know how they say if you die in your dream then you will die in real life? In actuality, if you dream of death then Decavolt will find you and kill you.
# Decavolt has a deep and abiding respect for human life... unless it gets in his way.
# The Bermuda Triangle used to be the Bermuda Square, until Decavolt Roundhouse kicked one of the corners off.
# There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, Decavolt lives in Oklahoma.
# Decavolt doesn't believe in Germany.
# When Decavolt is in a crowded area, he doesn't walk around people. He walks through them.
# Decavolt once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.
# James Cameron wanted Decavolt to play the Terminator. However, upon reflection, he realized that would have turned his movie into a documentary, so he went with Arnold Schwarzenegger.
# Decavolt can touch MC Hammer.
# Thousands of years ago Decavolt came across a bear. It was so terrified that it fled north into the arctic. It was also so terrified that all of its decendents now have white hair.
# Decavolt played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.
# It takes 14 puppeteers to make Decavolt smile, but only 2 to make him destroy an orphanage.
(Shhhh, I know I replaced all the Chuck Norris's with Decavolt
)
Come on though....It was like 4:30 in the morning (for me) when I posted this!! No person should have to be up this early :-/.
