Dani's Words of Wisdom
Posted: Tue Jan 17, 2006 4:58 amI've done this on other forums, and others have been amused by it. So without further ado, I bring you the issues of Dani's Words of Wisdom.
Past Issues
Things that do not belong in your eyes:
--toothpaste
--Apricot Face Scrub (yes, the stuff with the little rocks in it)
~~~
If you are going to call tech support, please make sure your children have stopped screaming first.
~~~
Do not let a cat stomp in your eyeball, no matter how precious or sweet he is.
~~~
Despite popular belief, you will melt in the rain.
~~~
Despite what you might think, diet coca cola is not an appropriate cleanser for your keyboard!
~~~
Landlord: Asshat who generally likes to make your life miserable. Eating them is not advised, the meat is rancid.
~~~
Disk Cleanup is your friend. (Co-worker had 5 Gig of Windows Temp files...and you all know I work in tech support right?)
~~~
Mornings are not meant for human beings. Save humanity. Sleep in.
~~~
If you've been riding in the car all day with the window down, make sure to check your hair for bees before trying to take your sunglasses off the top of your head.
~~~
When you have no graphic arts experience, do not attempt to test yourself. You will fail, and miserably at that.
~~~
Humor is important. Let it be part of your daily life. You will thrive if you embrace humor. But without it, the soul will die.
~~~
Do not stuff your washing machine to the brim. Not only do your clothes not get clean, but that whole load likely won't dry well either.
~~~
If the cat bothers you while you sleep, toss him out the door. If he continues to whine, lock him in the laundry room. If that fails...you know what to do.
~~~
Don't trust your parents to tell you the truth. It will be too late when they finally do.
~~~
Do not trust the general mail system to receive things on a convenient schedule. Things never show up when you expect them to.
~~~
In order to listen to GSP...one must have their headset plugged in.
~~~
So you've found yourself with moose goo in your car. And it's been simmering for ...oh...6 weeks. Lots of it. In the sun...in 90 degree weather. Bet that smells pretty. Lots of hot dates, eh?
Now there's a solution...
Grab ye old tree air freshener. The Royal Pine scented one. Completely unwrap that baby and throw it in the back seat.
Problem solved.
~~~
When all else fails, read the instructions.
~~~
Always good to make sure clothes are dry BEFORE you get out of the shower.
~~~
When your employer says he's putting you on a small project that should only take an hour...DON'T TRUST HIM!
~~~
Water is your friend. Drink it. You will feel better.
Newest Issue
Socks can be fatal if worn in the shower.
Past Issues
Things that do not belong in your eyes:
--toothpaste
--Apricot Face Scrub (yes, the stuff with the little rocks in it)
~~~
If you are going to call tech support, please make sure your children have stopped screaming first.
~~~
Do not let a cat stomp in your eyeball, no matter how precious or sweet he is.
~~~
Despite popular belief, you will melt in the rain.
~~~
Despite what you might think, diet coca cola is not an appropriate cleanser for your keyboard!
~~~
Landlord: Asshat who generally likes to make your life miserable. Eating them is not advised, the meat is rancid.
~~~
Disk Cleanup is your friend. (Co-worker had 5 Gig of Windows Temp files...and you all know I work in tech support right?)
~~~
Mornings are not meant for human beings. Save humanity. Sleep in.
~~~
If you've been riding in the car all day with the window down, make sure to check your hair for bees before trying to take your sunglasses off the top of your head.
~~~
When you have no graphic arts experience, do not attempt to test yourself. You will fail, and miserably at that.
~~~
Humor is important. Let it be part of your daily life. You will thrive if you embrace humor. But without it, the soul will die.
~~~
Do not stuff your washing machine to the brim. Not only do your clothes not get clean, but that whole load likely won't dry well either.
~~~
If the cat bothers you while you sleep, toss him out the door. If he continues to whine, lock him in the laundry room. If that fails...you know what to do.
~~~
Don't trust your parents to tell you the truth. It will be too late when they finally do.
~~~
Do not trust the general mail system to receive things on a convenient schedule. Things never show up when you expect them to.
~~~
In order to listen to GSP...one must have their headset plugged in.
~~~
So you've found yourself with moose goo in your car. And it's been simmering for ...oh...6 weeks. Lots of it. In the sun...in 90 degree weather. Bet that smells pretty. Lots of hot dates, eh?
Now there's a solution...
Grab ye old tree air freshener. The Royal Pine scented one. Completely unwrap that baby and throw it in the back seat.
Problem solved.
~~~
When all else fails, read the instructions.
~~~
Always good to make sure clothes are dry BEFORE you get out of the shower.
~~~
When your employer says he's putting you on a small project that should only take an hour...DON'T TRUST HIM!
~~~
Water is your friend. Drink it. You will feel better.
Newest Issue
Socks can be fatal if worn in the shower.
